Saturday, May 1, 2010

Her eyes were turbulent with emotion but she stared straight ahead as though she couldn't care less. He sat next to her, his head in his hands. Neither of them trusted themselves to speak anymore. Sometimes, there's nothing you can say to change a situation. Nothing you can do or try to do to make it better. He hated that helplessness more than anything. He probably could have apologised but the words would have paled in comparison to her pain. She stood up and started to walk away and something inside him begged him to say something - anything - but he sat on the bench and watched her walk away. She was doing literally what she had already done figuratively in the last ten minutes. She was leaving.

She stopped and he felt his heart do the same. He stood up and walked towards her with a slight desperation in his stride but the look on her face as she turned to face him, made him stop.

"When you look back on your life in 30 years from now and you see this moment, don't forget that I loved you. I'll probably miss you tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and the day after that.. I'll miss you in 60 seconds when I've walked away. Every morning that I wake up next to someone else, I'll think of you. If you remember anything about me at all, remember that even though I walked away, I loved you. Can you do that much for me?"

She didn't wait for a response. He couldn't respond anyway, what would he say? Her words seared through him and it took all of his strength not to drop to his knees. That feeling when you hurt someone so much that even for all their love, they still leave you, it was the worst pain he had ever known.

Her words hung in the air and sat in the silence. They wrapped themselves around the pain and hate inside him. Even when he filled his mind with noise, her words found a quiet space to sit in. He had purchased pain for her, the price he had to pay was pain of his own.

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