Sunday, June 6, 2010

Wow.. It's been a while hey. A few days ago, my dad asked when I planned to update my blog because he was waiting for a post. So here I am. :) Anyway, I'm at home now, for about a week and a half. Coming home after second term feels odd. Somehow, this place doesn't fit anymore. The house is too small for a family of 5. It reminded me of one of my favourite movie quotes, it's from 'Garden State'.

--> "You know that point in your life when you realize that the house you grew up in, isn't your home anymore? All of a sudden, even though you have some place where you put your shit, the idea of home is gone...You'll see, one day when you move out, it just sort of happens and it's gone. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like a rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself..."

I guess this is me finally realizing that this house, where I've grown up, this house filled with memories, isn't my home anymore. I won't ever live here again. I'll come home for the holidays for a few months a year from school and when I'm done with school, I'll move out into the world alone. I forgot, when I left to go to school in January, that the world here doesn't stop because I'm gone. People keep living their lives, they fill the gap with other things, the places that used to be mine move on to someone else... It's odd to come back and find my family talking about things that I haven't been a part of. Memories that don't include me.

But I remember the memories I've made at Rhodes and I think about the conversations and experiences I've had without my family and I feel ok again. This is me becoming an adult. My life isn't dictated by my family or a closed environment. This is what life is about. New people take the place of old ones and eventually, the new people will be old ones and then life will change again and I'll have to find new people to fill the gaps.

Home. It's an odd word to define. Such a grand idea inside a little word. I don't know where my home is at the moment. I either have to find it or create it. That's all for now I guess.. :)

Love Starchild*

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