Saturday, July 31, 2010


There's a certain way a man stares at a woman he loves. The man looks like a boy on his birthday. And he treats the woman as if she were a gift that he's waited so long to open and now he can't wait to see what the treasure is inside.

- J

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Buy it or you will spend the rest of your life in dark, dull incompleteness without it.

It is time once again for East Coast Radio to host their annual Home & Garden show. Their luminous yellow and red advertising boards can be seen warming the butts of many a hobo across the town. In all my years attending this show - and believe me, I mean years - I have never seen anything new. Seriously. Nothing. The same people show up every year with the same inconsequential products to try and push onto gullible east coasters.

Maybe people believe that with that one chrome overly priced bathroom light fitting, their lives will be complete. It brings warmth to their soft, suburbian minds.. I have no idea. I find it entertaining to watch them milling around a large convention centre filled with crap they either cannot afford or do not require.

My dad has a great love for all things house/garden related. I mean he can spend hours agonising over paint colours that all look like a bad shade of cream to me or light fittings that can be adjusted according to how you want them focused and whether you want silver trimmings, or gold, or chrome, or silver, or white, or black ( And sshhh, god bless him - he doesn't know we're in global warming and should be conserving electricity)

A few years back the government enlisted people to walk around the suburbs and ask people to exchange their regular light bulbs for energy savers. Needless to say, they were amazed when they walked into our house - not only do we not have energy savers ANYWHERE, we don't have regular light bulbs, changing our lights requires someone with a good knowledge of electrical stuff because one, its all very complex and two, my dad will kill you if you stuff up his lights. (  I should mention that it is due to this fact that 50% of the lights in our house are non-functional. When the light fuses, none of us can change the globe and my dad is too much of an easily distracted busy body to do it so we sit in darkness contemplating all possible meanings of the phrase, "Can't see your hand in front of your face." )

What was I saying? ... Home & Garden show! ok. So, now we have a bunch of people loitering around the ICC - thats International Convention Centre - looking at stuff for their houses, pretending that they have an ounce of interior design knowledge in order to qualify them to make such decisions, and the best part is HALF THE PEOPLE DON'T BUY ANYTHING. They take a sack full of stupid brochures for the jacuzzi that you definitely need because heaven forbid, you don't have someplace excessively hot and damp to sit and kill your body cells and enzymes and crap or that cornice that will make a room look bigger and more open because you know how stuffy rooms are these days. And then, they go home, put the brochures in a draw, wake up the next morning and continue with their short showers and stuffy roomed lives.

Ah yes, I love the logic of the consumer nation.
Or maybe I missed something.
Maybe shopping for cushions and lights is fun.
Maybe I do need that jacuzzi?
It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. (assuming your life lasts only a year because we'll be back next year with the same offer)
Rejuvenation spa in my house? Really?
Helps combats life's aches and pains? NO!
There's more.. More? How can there be more??

See you next year everybody. Thank you for coming. I will attempt to update my brochure but if I don't get around to it, I'll give you the same one next year. You won't know the difference, trust me.

Love Starchild*

.."Until you make peace with who you are, you will never be content with what you have." - Doris Mortman.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I don't know who Patrice Motsepe is.

Personally speaking, I think that people should wear stupid signs. Like bright yellow signs that define their level of stupidity just so that you won't waste precious moments of your life attempting to converse ( Happy JD? ) with them. For example, this is a conversation I had today:

Cab Driver: Where are you going today?
Me: Tap n Tile, do you know where it is?
Cab Driver: Tap n Tile? Oh, I've heard of them.
Me: So you know the address?
Cab Driver: No.
Me: 445 Victoria Road.
Cab Driver: Is that the bottom end or the top end?
Me: I don't know.
Cab Driver: There's a paint shop at the top end. Is it that one?
Me: Uhm. No. (its called TAP N TILE, I doubt it's a paint shop)
Cab Driver: It must be a different one then.
Me: Do you want me to give you directions?
Cab Driver: No, I'll just put the address into the Garmin. (which is a GPS system)
Me: Ok. (Internal thoughts - OMFG, you have a garmin?!)

So this conversation which took all of 1 minute and 36 seconds was 1 minute and 20 seconds longer than it should have been. Waste of my life much? :/ This is how it should have gone.

Cab Driver: Where are you going today?
Me: Tap n Tile, do you know where it is?
Cab Driver: No
Me: 445 Victoria Road.
Cab Driver: (says nothing but proceeds to type it into his Garmin)

Siiiigh. See, now if he had been wearing a sign, I would have known not to engage and just stated right off the cuff what the address was and how to get there - in the simplest english I could muster up.

Worse than all of this, is that this size of this class seems to be steadily increasing [which is especially surprising seeing as education levels of this world are seemingly rising] Every day I encounter more and more stupid people. And not just plain stupid ones - completely and utterly void of any sort of intelligence people. I can't relate the frustration I feel. As far as normal people go, I have vague levels of patience. Then I come across a stupid person and suddenly, my sarcasm gets kicked up a notch. This is probably a bad life choice because THEY DON'T CATCH THE SARCASM - a sad side effect of being stupid, I view sarcasm as a welcome relief in a painful world. And when people fail to grasp that I am being sarcastic, it aggravates me further.

It's a vicious cycle.

In other news, white supremacists are trying to gain a seat in the NH house, oil is still flooding the gulf and I admitted to my editor that I didn't know who Patrice Motsepe was (he is apparently, google tells me, one of South Africa's richest and most powerful businessmen, even making the Forbes magazine)

Not only did I feel like I should be wearing one of the signs I am campaigning for, but I excerbated the situation by following that confession with "Ask me who Alexander McQueen is, I can tell you that." Turns out, not only does my editor not know who Alexander McQueen is, he also does not care nor does he think anyone else should care. I know this because he replied, "You're a twilight fan aren't you? Do you like it for the storyline or the boys with sexy bodies?" (I didn't reply to this but I'm sure he noted the half naked picture of Rob Pattinson that is my screensaver.)

I love my life. :)
My stupid sign is currently being printed, should I get you one too?

Love Starchild*

PS: A. McQueen is an *awesome* British fashion designer who recently passed away. :'( NO I DID NOT CRY. whoever told you that was lying. go hit them. hard.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I'm a Hardcore Cheese Sandwich

I'm sitting on the floor at 4 am, in my parents' house, staring at the lace curtains that should have been retired a long time ago and the dulled pink walls - who was it that first decided that this shade of pink was an acceptable colour to paint walls? And it occurs to me that I have become the whiny, soppy writer type I used to so dearly detest.

My mind is still reeling from the realisation [why am I using alliteration now - is that a symptom of becoming, if possible, even more whiny and soppy?] so I pull on my fake leather jacket, put on a fast car, action movie and attempt to regain my independent hardcoreness. This I will later discover, is much easier said than done. See, hardcoreness - the termed coined by one of my nearest and dearest - is that thing that some people have either instinctually or because they have painstakingly developed it [me being the latter] It is kind of a fierce, unapologetic fuck you to the world and an I'll do what I want to do when I want to do it however I want to do it attitude. I'd say an accurate depiction of hardcoreness is Lady GaGa's sense of fashion.
Lady Gaga performing on the Fame Ball tour in ...Image via Wikipedia

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The people who are born with hardcoreness were either excessively nice in their past lives and screwed over too many times, therefore deciding to not give a rat's tail in mayonnaise in this life, OR are multiple reincarnations of badboy James Dean. [I'm not sure about the second because it's been a decidedly long time since I've seen anyone that hot] My hardcoreness was developed from the worldly philosophy BOYS SUCK to greater extents than any reasonable person would guess. [there are the few exceptions, I know a grand total of one non-sucky boy] I had almost perfected my hardcoreness with the phony exterior of a happily happy optimist when it came to me that  - SHOCK AND HORROR - I was becoming a happily happy optimist. There isn't anything wrong with being this person except that you then have all the efficacy of a cheese sandwich.

I can bare testament to this seeing as all I have done in the past 6 weeks is absolutely nothing. Ok, 6 weeks of something I sorta love, but still nothing seriously credible to my life. Note how my blog has been neglected for a long time... and now I've completely forgotten where I was going with this latest ramble...and I crave a cheese sandwich not that I like them, I am fond of cheese though - Cream cheese (**,) with salt crackers and wine... Ok, im done...

Oh yes. Hardcoreness. I want mine back. Not all of it. Just some of the carefree, hunters drinking, star watching, oreo junkie that I was.

hmm. and while I'm wanting things - a degree in arts, a one way plane ticket and a bottle of Vitamin water [ the purple kind]  :)

..Love Starchild*

almost forgot the magic word, sorry.
- now.