Thursday, July 15, 2010

Buy it or you will spend the rest of your life in dark, dull incompleteness without it.

It is time once again for East Coast Radio to host their annual Home & Garden show. Their luminous yellow and red advertising boards can be seen warming the butts of many a hobo across the town. In all my years attending this show - and believe me, I mean years - I have never seen anything new. Seriously. Nothing. The same people show up every year with the same inconsequential products to try and push onto gullible east coasters.

Maybe people believe that with that one chrome overly priced bathroom light fitting, their lives will be complete. It brings warmth to their soft, suburbian minds.. I have no idea. I find it entertaining to watch them milling around a large convention centre filled with crap they either cannot afford or do not require.

My dad has a great love for all things house/garden related. I mean he can spend hours agonising over paint colours that all look like a bad shade of cream to me or light fittings that can be adjusted according to how you want them focused and whether you want silver trimmings, or gold, or chrome, or silver, or white, or black ( And sshhh, god bless him - he doesn't know we're in global warming and should be conserving electricity)

A few years back the government enlisted people to walk around the suburbs and ask people to exchange their regular light bulbs for energy savers. Needless to say, they were amazed when they walked into our house - not only do we not have energy savers ANYWHERE, we don't have regular light bulbs, changing our lights requires someone with a good knowledge of electrical stuff because one, its all very complex and two, my dad will kill you if you stuff up his lights. (  I should mention that it is due to this fact that 50% of the lights in our house are non-functional. When the light fuses, none of us can change the globe and my dad is too much of an easily distracted busy body to do it so we sit in darkness contemplating all possible meanings of the phrase, "Can't see your hand in front of your face." )

What was I saying? ... Home & Garden show! ok. So, now we have a bunch of people loitering around the ICC - thats International Convention Centre - looking at stuff for their houses, pretending that they have an ounce of interior design knowledge in order to qualify them to make such decisions, and the best part is HALF THE PEOPLE DON'T BUY ANYTHING. They take a sack full of stupid brochures for the jacuzzi that you definitely need because heaven forbid, you don't have someplace excessively hot and damp to sit and kill your body cells and enzymes and crap or that cornice that will make a room look bigger and more open because you know how stuffy rooms are these days. And then, they go home, put the brochures in a draw, wake up the next morning and continue with their short showers and stuffy roomed lives.

Ah yes, I love the logic of the consumer nation.
Or maybe I missed something.
(o_0)
Maybe shopping for cushions and lights is fun.
Maybe I do need that jacuzzi?
It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. (assuming your life lasts only a year because we'll be back next year with the same offer)
Rejuvenation spa in my house? Really?
Helps combats life's aches and pains? NO!
There's more.. More? How can there be more??
YOU WILL PAY TOO MUCH FOR IT, NEVER USE IT AND EVENTUALLY IT WILL LIE ABANDONED AND BE USED AS A STORAGE FACILITY!! YAY!!
:)

See you next year everybody. Thank you for coming. I will attempt to update my brochure but if I don't get around to it, I'll give you the same one next year. You won't know the difference, trust me.

Love Starchild*

.."Until you make peace with who you are, you will never be content with what you have." - Doris Mortman.

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