Sunday, August 29, 2010

This post has no title because I can't be bothered to think of one.

New places always make me want to write and for now, home feels new.
I feel most alive when things are new and  unfamiliar. Once they fall into a routine and I begin to get a good sense of it, I want something different. Sometimes its good, like when I have to do something for the first time but sometimes, its bad. Sometimes, running away from the familiar means you never really establish connections to anything. Not to places or things or people. It means you spend your whole life living out of a bag, because you're never in one place with the same people for too long. It means you never let yourself belong anywhere.

I used to want that freedom to find new things all the time. It was all I dreamt about. In the past few months, I found something I didn't even consider.. I found something that is familiar and comfortable and routined, but still new and changing everyday - and it makes me feel more alive than any new experience ever did.

In the beginning, I thought I would grow weary of him and him of me and we would slowly just resign back to our lives and either pick up where we left off or move on to something else that filled the gap. I didn't. He didn't. In a way, we're still the same as we were in April but in many ways, we're not. What we have, like every other relationship, has patterns and familiarities but it's also new everyday. We're different to the people we were in the beginning (well I am). Maybe we're just letting down barriers as we grow more secure in each other but I'd like to think we're changing each other. He creates new things in me. He changes the things I thought were very definite about me. He wants me to unpack and stay and I will, because every minute with him is new. If I ever belonged to anyone or in any place (or rather wanted to belong) - then it's to him and with him.

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