Sunday, September 26, 2010

You know what they say about the real world? They have a lot of dead people there.

The craziest part of it all is that I still think of myself as a child. I mean, I'm 19 and in university and I have these huge decisions to make and a life to run and everyday, I think to myself - who the fuck are you kidding? You have no idea what you're doing. You're a child. Because the honest to god truth is, I really am. I have no idea how things are supposed to work in the real world.

A long time ago, I thought being an adult meant being secure and unafraid. I kept waiting for that moment, when I would become an adult and graduate from all the worries and fears I had. And then I got here, and looked at all the grown ups in my life and they're all scared [shitless] and none of them really know what they're doing either. Some of them admit it, most of them don't. I think because they're determined to keep the illusion of adulthood alive for the little ones to come. 

The older you get, the more you realize that  people who say 'can't' and 'impossible' aren't words need to buy better dictionaries because I can tell you for a fact, that they are very real words with very real meanings. In my opinion, thats the most significant thing about a person's teenage years. It's like the slamming of a thousand doors - simultaneously. Most people, by the time they're done with school, have closed most doors, picked a window to crawl out of and are ready for the 'real world'. And here I am, writing poems across the front page of the newspaper and drawing love hearts on rusk boxes. 

I feel sort of left behind. Like all my friends went through school and at the finish line, they were handed a box and they promptly got into it, to be shipped off to the real world. And I just threw it away. ( I should have recycled it...) I don't know what I want to do with my life? Is that worrying? I'm not worried though. Is that even more worrying? I lied before, the craziest part isn't that I still think of myself as a child - the craziest part is that I love it. The 'real world' can take a long walk off a short pier.

2 comments:

  1. For some time now, the Moderns have preferred the infantile spirit to the spirit of infancy - although they are persuaded of the contrary.

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  2. The ideologies and policies that we use to govern ourselves keep majority of people in the infantile spirit deliberately. It's easier to control a bunch of infants. Although people don't seem to mind this at all..

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