Leaving.

Her dark hair framed her face with fierce intensity and her cheeks were stained pink with blush. She watched him intently, her brown eyes were attentive and she nodded gently when he asked her if she had been listening to him.  He wasn't sure if he had said everything he wanted to or if it was better that he stop speaking for her sake.  

She seemed determined not to cry but he wasn't sure how long that resolve would last.


Part of him was doing what he had to. Part of him wanted to end her nightmare. She sat there. Not protesting or fighting. Just listening. Waiting for the end. Because that's what was coming. He wondered about her reaction. Maybe she didn't feel quite as much as he had expected. In the last few seconds, he watched the soft colour in her cheeks darken, even her eyes seemed to darken, and as she leaned forward and blocked her face from view, he knew he had to leave. He didn't want to see or hear the next part. 

The thing about leaving someone behind isn't so much that you have to leave them, it's more that you have to watch the reaction. You have to imagine what's going to happen once you've left. That's the worst part*

You know what they say about the real world? They have a lot of dead people there.

The craziest part of it all is that I still think of myself as a child. I mean, I'm 19 and in university and I have these huge decisions to make and a life to run and everyday, I think to myself - who the fuck are you kidding? You have no idea what you're doing. You're a child. Because the honest to god truth is, I really am. I have no idea how things are supposed to work in the real world.

A long time ago, I thought being an adult meant being secure and unafraid. I kept waiting for that moment, when I would become an adult and graduate from all the worries and fears I had. And then I got here, and looked at all the grown ups in my life and they're all scared [shitless] and none of them really know what they're doing either. Some of them admit it, most of them don't. I think because they're determined to keep the illusion of adulthood alive for the little ones to come. 

The older you get, the more you realize that  people who say 'can't' and 'impossible' aren't words need to buy better dictionaries because I can tell you for a fact, that they are very real words with very real meanings. In my opinion, thats the most significant thing about a person's teenage years. It's like the slamming of a thousand doors - simultaneously. Most people, by the time they're done with school, have closed most doors, picked a window to crawl out of and are ready for the 'real world'. And here I am, writing poems across the front page of the newspaper and drawing love hearts on rusk boxes. 

I feel sort of left behind. Like all my friends went through school and at the finish line, they were handed a box and they promptly got into it, to be shipped off to the real world. And I just threw it away. ( I should have recycled it...) I don't know what I want to do with my life? Is that worrying? I'm not worried though. Is that even more worrying? I lied before, the craziest part isn't that I still think of myself as a child - the craziest part is that I love it. The 'real world' can take a long walk off a short pier.

The Town of Graham*

Grahamstown, South Africa, has a magic in the air but only for the people who like that kind of magic. If you like billboards, flashing signs, highways and towering buildings then you can stop reading now.

...

=) For the rest of us, Grahamstown is where it's at. It is one of the few original English settlements left in SA. The last count done recorded the number of churches (of various denominations) at 52. Grahamstown's primary commerce sector is that of education. For a tiny town, we have a lot of schools and one very special university - Rhodes. Rhodes was always going to be the university I went to, but I really fell in love with this place in 2008, when I came to the National Arts Festival - which is held here annually in July. 

You have to experience it, to believe it but Grahamstown, though it's small and doesn't have half the shops I like, is more serene than I can describe. Life moves slower. Noticeably. Trees. WE HAVE THEM. The original buildings that have been incorporated into the ever growing town are all architectural beauties. 

I forgot all this for a while, with all the chaos of university life and it only took one photo to remind me.. 

Taken by a friend of mine, Jennifer Jacobs (she takes the most amazing photos, seriously, A-MAAAA-ZING)

A reason why you have to love Grahamstown*

That's where I live. =) 

Looking at that photo is like prozac or something.. I love it. 

We're the perfect couple. We're just not in the perfect situation*

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..." 


- I'm not sure of what I'm doing for most of my life. I don't know where I'm going. I can barely explain where I'm coming from. I'm still very much a kid in some ways.. (more grown up in other ways I hope) But here I am, making this decision and in this thing that terrifies me everyday. Every moment of every day. I'm doing it though, because I've always told people to do what makes them happy and to be afraid but still go for it.. 

I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a bridge and I have a bungee cord around me that promises to catch me - I mean how many people have you heard of dying in bungee accidents? Not that many, that I can tell you. And all I want to do is jump but there's this fear of something inside me, it's irrational and I keep telling it to shut up. It doesn't always. But I guess that's part of the experience, the fear is what makes it worthwhile when you jump and fall and there's something strong enough to catch you and lift you up again.

It's a bad analogy when I think about it. (o_0) but yeah. There you go.

He'll catch me* :)

My greatest fear*

"When great love is rejected, something inside a man dies. So all he can do is run away, where he can meet the girl he'll love second most." 

My greatest fear is that when I asked, the answer was yes.

:) Just a thought*

"I knew her well enough to understand that when Delia pushed you away, it was her way of making sure she didn't get shoved first." ~


You know sometimes when you're a reading a book or poem and there's one line that feels like it's something that the author took out of you, something that was in your head and you thought you were the only one but then there it is, on the page in front of you? 


It's one of the best feelings in the world.. 
That connection..
With a person you don't know or even care to know.. 
But that human connection that helps one little part of your life seem a little bit less out of place. 


Peace*