Friday, May 6, 2011

That which needs to be said, I'm only human after all.

Have you ever spilt something on a favourite coat or an expensive rug and though you managed to remove the stain, whenever you look at it, you still see it? See the stain even though to everyone else it looks the same?

I think a broken relationship works much in the same way. We are all only human and to forget grievances against us, is simply not in our nature. 

As much as we want to forgive and forget, more often than not, we can't. 

We all retain a few instinctual habits from our early days, habits that surface every once in a while. And one of these is that of self-preservation. The need to protect ourselves, the need to do whatever we have to in order to ensure that we don't get hurt. 

With that in mind, I have to say that when someone you trust and love hurts you, however unintentional it may be, it is near impossible to trust them again, as you once did. This is because that tiny instinctual part of you, that doesn't want to get hurt again, that wants to protect you at all costs, simply won't allow it. 

The danger of ignoring this doubt and going about your relationship as though everything is fine again, is that in time to come, you may grow to hate the person you love. They may never give you another reason to doubt them, but the doubt will make you resentful, petty, jealous and insecure. You will hate them for the person they have caused you to become.

After all I have said, I have to now admit that I don't have a solution. 
I don't know what to do to stop this. 
I just needed to say it, more for me than for you. More so that if this does happen I can forgive myself for it. 

It is not my weakness that cannot trust again, it is my human instinct. 

 


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