Friday, June 22, 2012

..And all I wanted to do was sleep.

Flying is always a strange experience for me.

Mostly, because the airline always seems to conspire to seat me next to someone who is desperately intent on hearing my life story in the one hour that we will know each other. This annoys me to no end because not only do I not particularly like talking to strange people, but also because whenever I'm in some sort of moving vehicle (car, bus, train, plane, hovercraft...etc), my brain decides that it is time to sleep. So I'm trapped between wanting to be polite and talk to the person and succumbing to my brain's signals to go to sleep.

This all culminates in me trying to escape their loathsome conversation skills:

"So how old are you now? Getting ready for the working world darling?"
No. I've spent the last 16 years preparing for the living-on-my-parents-couch world.

--Actually considering that I'm doing an arts degree, that might well be the case.

"What are you studying?"
Once I've answered this question, said person usually launches into a long story about their child/sibling/cousin/pet dog who also studied something only vaguely relate to my degree.

Anyway, back to my brilliant escape plan:

Don't worry, I don't think about jumping off the plane. 

Well. Maybe... :P

But what I usually do, is pick up the in-flight magazine and pour into it as though I were reading an article about the top fifty sex positions or something. (Actually I did once - it was horrifying. :/ ) But more often than not, someone has taken the copy I'm supposed to be reading and so I resort to reading the safety guide. I have to admit that this is not an entirely foolproof plan since when they see me pick it up, they strike up a conversation about why I shouldn't be afraid of flying... 

Anyway, I sit there and stare at the safety guide imagining what a person might think the guide is telling them to do, just by looking at the pictures.

For example. The one posted above appears to say: "In the case of an emergency, if there is a red head on board... push that bitch off the plane!"

Here are a few more:

In the event of cabin pressure dropping, air masks will drop down in front of you.
But not for your kid. That brat can suffer.

In case of an emergency, you are welcome to attempt to suck your own penis.
If you are going to die on this airline, we'd prefer it if you died happy.

Should there be an emergency evacuation, points will be given for style 
and artistic impression. Try not to stuff up the landing. 

My escape plan usually succeeds and the pain-in-the-arse sitting next to me, decides that perhaps they don't want to talk to the girl reading the safety guide and laughing hysterically. SUCCESS! But of course by now, we are beginning our descent and the pilot gives his little speech about what a lovely flight it has been and how he hopes to see us again soon. 

No Pilot man, no. 




  1. Lol! I love this! Too funny. My favorite is the redhead one. But I totally hear you. Can't stand the unsolicited stranger conversation when you are stuck next to them for the next hr+.

    Love your blog, new follower here!

  2. :D YAY! Always happy to have a new reader. Just had a look at your blog and you two are such a beautiful couple! Love.

    Hope to hear from you again.

    Star* x