Saturday, November 17, 2012

Goodbyes suck so bad.

I woke up this morning to people who are anxious that there won't be any more twinkies in the world because Hostess went belly up and some person on the news telling me that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez were spotted on a date together and this might mean that they aren't broken up after all and everywhere I look people are being just generally stupid or horrible or crazy... And I think to myself, let's just go back to bed. It's safe and warm there.

But I drag myself to the shower and stand under the water and curse the heavens because we can travel to the deepest part of the ocean and throw men out of spaceships a million miles above the ground and yet we can't seem to master the simple task of creating a shower system that doesn't have just two water temperature options - scalding, torturous hot or Arctic effing cold.

I get dressed and go off to the library to print the readings I need for my exam and then I walk back home trying to decide if I feel more concerned about the fact that I'm currently holding what seems like an entire rain forest worth of paper in my arms or the fact that it cost me R50 to do so.

And all of this pales in comparison to the fact that a few hours ago I said goodbye to one of my very best friends because this is my last year of university and I won't be coming back to this town and I don't know when I'll see her again. Growing up really sucks, you know? I remember being a kid and how easy it was to promise to be there for someone forever. I don't know if that's because we genuinely felt that we wouldn't survive unless we were with them forever or because the concept of 'forever' eluded us so entirely that it seemed entirely likely, even normal, that people should be together forever.

After she left, I sat on my bed and thought about all of the memories I had of us. After only three years, it feels strange knowing that she won't be around every day. We'll still talk all the time and stay in touch but it's the little things you miss. The chats in passing during the day, the giggles in class because we're so thoroughly bored, the conversations about boys and how stupid they are, the hugs, the laughing.

When I think about all of my very best friends, the one thing that they all have in common is that I wish everyone in the world had a chance to know them. And I really wish all of you knew her. If I could pick only two words to describe her, they would be 'happy' and 'strong'.

The hardest part about leaving a place is leaving behind all the people and the person you are with those people. She makes me work harder and want to do better and be better. I don't think I would have survived my time at Rhodes without her. She's inspiring, even if she doesn't know it.

So as I crawl into bed tonight, of all the things I'm sad about in this world, of all the things that could make me cry, it's saying goodbye to her.

Here's to surviving our undergrad degree together, from first year French classes to third year Media Studies and everything in between.

All my love.